Elise is a glamouress woman of mystery romantically linked with an international thief and trapped between western intelligence agents and a vicious gangster. When she meets an aimless maths teacher, Frank, she thinks she has found the perfect dupe, but as they travel the hotspots of southern Europe, Frank stirs feelings in Elise that she is ill prepared for. Remarkably directed by Florian Henckel 'The Lives of Others' von Donnersmarck ‘The Tourist’ is a blemishlessly turgid thriller, cruising pointlessly from one 5 star Venetian hotel to the next, while a flaccid Depp stares sightlessly in the direction of Jolie’s increasingly immobile face. Congratulations: Your vote has been cast