Constantine is a miserable, grim-faced curmudgeon, but then he can see the devil's army here on earth and it's his job to send them back (unpleasantly) if they transgress the rules laid down by God and Satan...so it's perhaps understandable that he's not too perky. Coming across rather more naughty behaviour than he's used to, Constantine suspects all hell is about to break loose and with the help of an equally po-faced but attractive detective he sets about uncovering the conspiracy. Constantin find out more...

Kevin Smith had a podcast where they made a joke about the idea of kidnapping and turning a human into a walrus. It went viral on the twittersphere. Then it became a movie. This movie. Though the whole thing starts out well, with decent doses of good humour and dramatic tension, it all falls very quickly by the wayside. The result is a ridiculous prosthetic walrus suit that envelops Justin Long. Somewhere inside this mess of a movie there's a punchline, if only Smith could get to it without q find out more...